What you haz trying to say?

Bacon challenged me to share my verbal pet peeves. The “weird phrases or things people say that drive [me] bonkers.” Let me begin with a note: It doesn’t take too much to make me go bonkers. But most things that irk me are grammar-related. So, here you go. My top three verbal pet peeves:

Seen as the past tense for See

seen

I lived in the midwest for long enough to know that this isn’t so much of an intelligence thing as a regional thing, but it still drives me crazy any time someone uses “seen” as the past tense for “see.”

Example: I was walking down by the lake and I seen a huge deer.

You did not. You saw the deer. Seen is a past participle. I won’t get into all the nuts and bolts, but unless you are using “have, has, had, was, or were” before it, you should always use saw.

Supposably instead of Supposedly

kydjz

Supposedly you know that you are trying to say….

Double negatives. 

giphy (3)

When people speak in double negatives, it definitely drives me bonkers. This would include, but is not limited to “irregardless,” “didn’t see nothing,” and “ain’t got no.”

And this is semi-unrelated, but I came across it while I was meme-searching and I laughed so hard that I had to share. English is hard, guys.

stan-carey-batman-slapping-robin-meme-could-care-less-vs-fewer

8338876-131018604_10-s1-v1 Oleander

Bacon: You taught piano for many moons. Please, tell us, what might we not expect about the life of a piano teacher?

Facebook: Where Grammar Meets Grandma

Oh, I almost forgot. Almost.lets-eat-grandma

I have another SUPER POWER. I am one of those people who can spot a spelling error or grammatical error from across the room. From a mile away even, on a freeway billboard, of course. But I keep my mouth shut about it, mostly, because no one likes a know-it-all.

Note: I am not really a know-it-all. I mean, yes, I know a lot of stuff, but not all of the stuff.

I know what you are thinking. “I’ve never seen so many ill-used commas and italics in my life! How can such a person claim any sort of grammar aptitude?”

First of all, I’ve taken tens of dozens of those internet spelling and grammar quizzes.

Note: I have taken three.

And on these tests, I am always rated Ph.D. or Grammar Guru or Wizard, even.

And obviously the commas and the italics are used somewhat ironically to emphasize the hilarity and surprise and whatnot of the content, and do not reflect my actual knowledge of grammar rules.

Now, what were we talking about? Oh yes, Facebook spelling and grammar, or lack thereof.

Misspellings today are actually way more embarrassing than when I was, well, younger. A youth. A whippersnapper. We had things like pencils and papers and dictionaries. None of this auto-correction and spellcheck for us, nosirree. We didn’t have grammar checks to remind us that our participles were dangling. No. We were alone. With our teacher’s red pens. With our participles hanging precipitously over the edge. 

Yes, we learned hard and fast, back in the day.

A quick perusal of my Facebook feed this morning found “kids all over the world that were hungery.” Now I’m wondering if the kids were hungry or if the children of Hungary were migrating. All over the world, even.

I also ran across, “the doctor don’t no whats wrong with me.” Doctor No? He just plays a doctor. You know, in the movies, sort of. I’d back away if I were you.

And this one: “I think I’m loosing my mind.” It reminds me of a cheesy saying from my teenage years.

If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, its yours forever. If it doesn’t, then it was never meant to be. – Unknown

Note: How ironic and delightful that this cheesy saying, copied directly from a cheesy quote source on the internet has a GRAMMAR error? Be still my heart.

Additional Note: And that mind that you’ve turned loose, well, don’t expect it to be returning anytime soon.

But here’s the kicker and the aha! moment. It’s killing me to say this, but here goes, you young, vibrant whippersnappers.

Each of these comments was written by a person over the age of 40.

Note: Someone needs to teach them to use their autocorrect feature.

Heck, yes!

Oleander: Your hair has been pretty much every color in the book. So, tell me. Do blondes really have more fun? And if so, why are you a brunette?