Risky Business

I don’t even know how to begin this post. Seriously, I’ve been challenged to tell you the “craziest, riskiest, least law-abiding thing” I’ve ever done. And, I’ve never done anything crazy or risky. I do have a few of things that aren’t entirely law-abiding. So, here you go, in order of how stressed I was. Settle in, it’s about to get real. 

1. When I was a junior in high school, for our final project in AP US History (yes, my “risky” story starts with “one time in my AP class”….) we split into groups and were assigned decades that we had to present to the class. We got the 90s (which was its own kind of awesome), but we decided to do a time capsule. And we filmed an intro video which involved aliens crash landing on earth and discovering our time capsule.

Against my better judgement, we wrapped my friend’s car in tinfoil (to make it, you know, a spaceship) and “crash landed” it by driving it down the hill of an undeveloped lot in a neighborhood downtown. While I was not actually in the car at the time of crash landing (I was filming), I’m certain 3-4 pieces of the car were lost in the process – along with my sanity. Trespassing and damaging property (even if it was just my friend’s Tercel)? I know you’re impressed. (We got an ‘A’).


Dramatic representation. We did not have nearly this much tinfoil on hand.

2. When we moved to our current state of residence, it was February. My car registration in the previous state expired on January 31. My car is leased. When I went to register it, I was informed by the DMV that I needed to get power of attorney from the leasing company before I could change registration. I promptly faxed the appropriate documentation to the leasing company and waited…and waited. But I was also still driving the car. (Did I hear you gasp?). That’s months past expiration. But, wait! There’s more.

I got pulled over and got a ticket for the registration snafu. And then the truly unthinkable happened. I went to pay the ticket on a Friday (the last day listed on the ticket before you get a WARRANT OUT FOR YOUR ARREST) before I had a weeklong business trip and the court was closed. I cried. (Don’t judge me. This is who I am!). I paid the fine when I got back. It was $40. I’m pretty sure I lost 10 years off my life stressing the $40 fine.


Do not delay.

3. Are you ready for this? I don’t think you are. Okay. Let’s do it.

When we moved out of our house in Fargo, we did it pretty much all by ourselves (thanks, Joe, you’re still a hero for helping out that day). It was a very long day. At the end of it, there was still a bunch of items and garbage in the garage to clear out. Geoff stayed home with the sleeping boy (who was just a year old at the time) while I went back to finish up.

It turned out there was a lot more trash then expected. It filled my entire car: trunk, back seat, passenger seat. I had to dispose of it. I drove around for a bit trying to find an acceptable place. There wasn’t much in the neighborhood. I drove to the nearby Wal-Mart, but their bins were not accessible. And then, I saw it. The retirement home around the corner. I drove around back and found the dumpster. I looked around with shifty eyes (it was very late) and I dumped at least 10 bags of trash into the private trash bins of the retirement home. I filled an entire dumpster. And then I disappeared into the night.



Actual photo of the dumpster. Okay, not it’s not. But it was this bad.

I know. I’m a renegade. A rebel without a cause.

Yours dangerously,

– Oleander

Alright, Bacon. Tell us about your pet peeves. 



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