If I was meant to be underwater, I’d have gills

As you may recall, readers, I’m a woman of many contradictions. Here’s one of those times. I really enjoy a trip to the beach/lake/river/pond, but there’s a good chance I won’t get in the water on said trip.

I’m a bit anxious. And, as most anxious people understand, anxiety looks for a scapegoat.

It goes something like this:

cartoon_monster_eyes_and_mouth_with_sharp_teeth_photo_plaques-rb9f8b8157f414bbab89c10f25dfb441a_ar56b_8byvr_324 <– dramatic representation of anxiety

Oh, hello Amanda, not sure what to stress about today – I’ve got a great option for you. How about the LAKE WATER. Remember that one time, when  you were, like, 5 years old and you overheard your brother being teased about terrifying creatures under the water? You know how you can’t be 100% sure that they don’t exist? Well, we’re just going to remind you of that in the back of your mind. Every time you go the water. Always. Forever. Carry on.

So, it always seems strange to people when I’m excited to head out for a day at the beach/lake/stream and then, suddenly, refuse completely to participate in any water-related activities. I promise. Nothing will destroy our friendship faster then pushing me into a body of water without explicitly asking asking me if that sounds fun. (I even put that in bold in case you aren’t sure if I was being serious. I can never forgive you.)

And, truthfully, I’m not sure 100% what my deal is. But, I think it’s mostly centered around the fact that there are creatures in there. If we can all just go swimming and talk about the beautiful sunshine and how great the water feels, we’re safe. But, if you say something like “oh, I just felt something touch my foot” or “I see a tree sticking up out of the water over there” I seize up. The realization that there are thousands of unseen creatures beneath me…it’s terrifying. Right?

When I was a senior in high school I took a biotechnology class. As a “reward” the class spent the final trimester getting scuba certified and going on a scuba trip to a local beach. Guys, I opted out. You know what I did instead? I wrote the final for the class. Seriously.

But, here’s the thing. I don’t want to scuba dive. I could consider snorkeling – that’s close enough to the surface that, perhaps, people are meant to be there. But, scuba diving? If people were meant to breathe under water, they’d have gills. I’m going to go with evolution on this one. I am a land creature. Do you people even know what’s under there? Sea creatures are freaky and I really don’t like them.

Bean has been watching a lot of Octonauts lately. And it’s a really cute little show. And every time they do the creature report song (which is AMAZING) they show a couple pictures of what the creature actually looks like (because it decidedly does not look like the adorable animated version they’ve created for me) and I die. Every time. Under water creatures are horrifying. The things of nightmares.

So, Bacon, I have no idea if this has addressed the topic in any way you foresaw. I love a good day at the beach/lake/pond. But you just let me get in when I’m ready. And be prepared for the fact, that it might not happen that day at all. I’m just as happy watching everyone else splash around. Seriously.

Bacon: Baseball season is upon us! We are just days from opening day. Basketball season is winding down. Question is: Pros/Cons of Baseball versus Basketball.

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